Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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