Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
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