Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I intend to get homeless drunk
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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