Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
