So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
