I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
