is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
