We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
