It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
