I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
