Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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