Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
