Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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