I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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