you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
