member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
