My first STD was from a foam party
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
