Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just forgot I was standing up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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