My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
