A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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