Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
