I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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