You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
