clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
