oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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