Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
