remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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