lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
