I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
