if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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