And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
