Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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