eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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