when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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