thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
