I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
