The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So. Much. Porn.
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