Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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