my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
