its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
They are going to name an STD after you.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
