I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
