From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Randomize
