What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
