that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
