i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
