Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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