if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
