Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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