dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
