I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
