R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize