I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
