I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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