It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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