my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
