Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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