I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
