WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
