I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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