I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
