i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
It's shark week go big or go home
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
