she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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