This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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