At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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