I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
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