Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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