We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
bring money and cleavage
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
