Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize