he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize