i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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