I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
