Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
