Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
