you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
