You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
