college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
