why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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