Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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