I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
