Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
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