If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
