Dual....:-)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
