What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
